All We Need Is Love

So if you’re anything like me you love the rain, especially when it’s mid-summer and really hot outside. Thunderstorms seem to be the best because of the cool clouds and sometimes the huge downpour of rain that occasionally follows. But what do you do when it’s all rainy outside? When it’s in the middle of the afternoon, sometimes I like to go out in it. There is nothing like playing in the rain, and kissing in the rain. But what do you like to do when it’s at night or it’s not very warm anymore?

Here is a list of things that I like to do on a rainy day: 

1.) Catch up on some Reading.

2) Make Your Favorite Tea.

3) Bake. (Cupcakes are my favorite &+ they are super fun.)

4) Make a Delicious Snack. (I love stuffed jalepenos mmmm!)

5) Watch my Favorite movie.

6) Write. (stories, poetry, blogging).

7) Listen to Music. (Something happy and upbeat. For Example, Natasha Bedingfield’s song “Pocket Full of Sunshine” would do nicely :)

8) Paint. I love watercolors.

9) Give yourself a facial, mani, or pedi. It’s always fun to relax that way.

10) Paint my Nails.

11) Do a Makeover on myself or someone else (a.k.a. my lil sister lol btw the little girl in picture is not my lil sis but she is adorable).

12) Check out Youtube videos. (Jenna Mowry is my fav she is soo funny, and she has such cute little dogs. And my fav video she has done so far is called “How To Trick People Into Thinking You’re Good Looking” It’s hilarious!).

13) Post Pics to Pinterest.

14) Waste Time on Facebook. (I think a lot of us are good at this one lol).

With so much to do on a rainy day who could ever be bored? But I don’t bring this up because of boredom, I bring this up because these things are also a few of the little things that make me happy. Rainy days are the best because you can do whatever you want. You get to take time and enjoy the little things you love to do. You can play hooky from real life and just have fun. It’s soo awesome!

Hope all of you who live in the Springs area are enjoying your “rainy day”!

 Here we are into the new year: 2012! Crazy, huh? And with a new year always comes those new year’s resolutions, the back to work and reality drag, and all this hope that things might be a little better than the previous year. Why?

It’s part of how we move on I suppose, leaving one year behind and trying to start something new. But come on people, do we really leave the past in the past? Do we really “start something new”? Our new year’s resolutions show my point perfectly. We never seem to keep them because they consist of: loosing weight, read more, getting out of debt, volunteer more, and the list goes on and on. Why not try something that is honestly worth it and that is easy to start (and keep!). For example, smile more, laugh more, think positively, a kind simple gesture for a family member or coworker, eat your veggies and fruit, take time to watch the sunset or rise, actually enjoy your cup of coffee, keep a journal and write something nice about your day, leave a “love note” for someone who is special to you, help the old woman cross the street…these are the things that are going to make you happy and your new year fabulous! Going back to work and joining reality again will be a drag if you say it is. And don’t hope that your new year will be great; make it spectacular! Things don’t have to be the way they are; they are the way you make them. So if you don’t like it change it! If you don’t like the way you look; exercise. If you feel guilty about eating dessert last night; eat fruit instead tonight. If you ate the chips and you know you shouldn’t have; eat an extra helping of veggies today. It’s that simple! But remember everything in moderation: it’s okay! And we are all beautiful in our own way. So if you have low self-esteem: Don’t try to fit into what the media has printed in the latest issue of your favorite magazine. No! Instead start writing something you love about yourself everyday. Try a new style and make it fit YOU! This year for my new year’s resolution, I’m going to try to laugh more. I love to laugh, I just don’t do it enough. I tend to take things to seriously and I forget to enjoy myself. So I promise to laugh more this year :) So may 2012 be a year filled with happiness and laughter!

What will your new year’s resolution be for 2012???

This is the season for giving, sharing, and loving those who are dear to our hearts. “Tis the Season” for kissing under the mistletoe, walking together in the snow, holding hands, wishing on the magical Christmas star, experiencing miracles, cuddling up under fuzzy blankets while watching your holiday favorites, and drinking hot cocoa, and spending the little money you have on those who are special to you.

Hey everybody! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I hope everyone’s Thanksgiving was wonderful with lots of food and family and friends. But now here we are again and the Christmas season is upon us. The decorations go up, Christmas music is playing, the kitchen is full of the smell of cookies and other Christmas goodies, people are making their last run to the store hopelessly searching for everything on their Christmas list, and children are anxiously counting down the days to when Santa arrives. Joy is in the air &+ we’re all hoping for snow! This is the way Christmas seems to go, however about 5 years ago, Christmas wasn’t quite the same for my family.

My story begins early the morning of December 21^st, 2007 and outside the snow was falling in a dreary, dismal state. We were going to be leaving soon to head out for Kansas. Mom was anxious to get on the road, and Jaime couldn’t wait to see Grandma.  As for me, I was indifferent to the situation and it was the same old “going home for the holidays” trip. Usually I would have been excited to back home but this year my feelings were different. I didn’t think there was anything to be happy about and so I had planned to wallow in my melancholy state of mind.

            The trip seemed like it was taking forever and all you could do was sit in the boring car and look out your window at the barren snow covered fields. Once in awhile we saw some black and white cows huddled together in a big mob of warmth. I guess there was one thing to be happy about because we were at least warm in the car. We passed through several towns glistening with snow and Christmas decorations. Finally Mom had to stop to fill up her car with gas. She told us we could go stretch our legs a little, so we got out of warm car and walked inside the store.  After we got inside the first thing we heard were Christmas carols and all the people seemed to be so happy. Everyone was smiling and courteous to each other.  “Well,” I thought to myself, “I guess they have something to be happy about.”

            As soon as Mom paid for the gas, we were on the road again. I was getting really bored with looking out the window and the Christmas music my mom was playing was quieter now. I decided to go to sleep. While I slept I dreamed about the last time I was in Kansas. It was only a few weeks before and it was the saddest time of my life.  I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Saturday and I had been on a retreat with the youth group from my church. I didn’t want to go on that retreat because I knew something was wrong with my grandpa; I knew he was dying. Well my mom told me I needed to go and so I went, but before the end of the afternoon she called me. It was the phone call I was afraid to get. She told me that she had gotten news about Papa and there wasn’t much we could do. She wanted me to come home and pack some clothes; we were leaving that night. I told a friend of the family what my mom had said and he gave me a ride home. When I got home I didn’t know what to say. Honestly, I couldn’t speak because I was fighting off tears that had built up since the phone call earlier.

            After we finished packing, got our stuff in the car, and got something to eat, we were heading out on our long drive to Topeka, Kansas. Not long after we started on the road, my mom’s cell phone rang. She answered it and my aunt said that that Papa was getting worse. Nobody knew how much longer he would live. My mom just cried and prayed to God that we would get to see him one last time. At that moment I did all I could to keep from crying, even though I just wanted to cry my heart out. 

            When I woke up, we had finally arrived at my Aunt Shari’s house. Everybody seemed happy to see us; especially Grandma. Although, they seemed kind of tired and drained. I was glad that we were finally there and didn’t have to sit in a car anymore. We unpacked the car and ate dinner, which was my aunt’s famous spaghetti. It was very tasty as usual but I didn’t care too much because I had other things on my mind. We spent the rest of the evening visiting with family or watching T.V. and just hanging out. Soon it was time for bed; I usually ended up on the couch since there wasn’t a whole lot of room.

            As I was drifting off, I recalled some more of the events that took place the weekend my grandpa died. I remembered that I sang him the song I wrote for him and Grandma. My Great Aunt Dolly just couldn’t stop crying and said “that was beautiful, Honey, just beautiful.” Then my thoughts flashed to Papa teasing me the morning of his death. Other thoughts seemed to be whirling, in my head, in a big mass until I finally went to sleep.

            The next morning, I woke up early. My mom, Grandma, and Aunt Shari were sitting at the dining room table talking and having some coffee. When I came out to the dining room, my mom asked me why I was up so early. Usually, I sleep until late, but this time I was up early. I simply told her I couldn’t sleep anymore. Of course this led to other questions, such as, “how did you sleep?” To which I replied “fine, thanks,” and then I took a seat next to my mom at the table.

            Later on that day, my cousin, Heather, came over to her mom’s house. She had always been like my older sister and so we were very close.  We hung out for the next several days and I mostly stayed with her for the majority of the time. I found this much easier than having to be around the rest of the family, who I’m sure could tell that I was depressed because of Papa’s death. Really I just didn’t want to talk about it with anybody and Heather I believe felt kind of the same way I did.

            Several days passed and it was now Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve is always very big with my family. It is the day the whole family gets together and we celebrate Christmas. It is also the day that the kitchen seems to be crowded with my Grandma, Mom, and aunts trying to cook our big Christmas dinner.  Then we go to Christmas Mass and sing Christmas carols. After that we come home and we eat the delicious meal my Grandma, aunts, and Mom prepared. When we finish the meal, we sit around and visit for awhile and then have dessert.  When dessert has been finished, we go into the living room and open Christmas presents.  So that is pretty much how the day went, except I was still sad because Papa wasn’t there with us. During mass I almost cried because the Christmas carols reminded me of him in some way. I think it was mostly because he was so happy and jolly, and he loved desserts and sweets. Christmas reminded me of him so much. 

 

            So here it was, Christmas came and went. I can say I survived it, but I can’t say that I did without tears.  For night after dreary, long night, I had thought of the moment when he died. I was there in the room when it happened. It was just me, my little sister, and Grandma, there when he took his last breathe. That was the one moment that changed my life forever. It was the memory of my Papa taking his dying breath that was tugging at my broken heart. It caused me to be in such a melancholy state of depression. It was the only thing holding me back from enjoying my most favorite, heart-warming holiday, of the entire year and I couldn’t bare it! My grandpa was like my dad and we were very close.  I use to write him letters all the time, which he loved because he said I was an accomplished writer. He always believed in me and he gave me hope that things would always be good as long as we were together with family. I missed him so much that I barely remembered Christmas.

           Christmas night, as I looked up at the stars and looked out at the moonlight glistening on the white magical snow, I realized how much I wished he was there with me. So I prayed and prayed that if it were possible he could be with me that night. Oh how I wanted to feel his big, loving hug and hear his comforting voice. Then I closed my eyes and I could feel it! He was there with me! He was telling me that it was going to be okay, even though things were hard and painful. When I opened my eyes, I looked up at the sky again. There I saw a bright star twinkling as if it were winking at me.  I thought to myself “that has to be Papa’s sign to me that he really was with me just then.”  I experienced a miracle and it was the best Christmas present I could have asked for.

            Now it is December 13^th, 2011 and Christmas is approaching fast. I’ll be leaving for Kansas in about a week with my Mom, Jaime, my boyfriend, and my little dog, Sami. This year I’m excited to go back and see my grandma and as much family as I can before I return with my boyfriend to celebrate Christmas with his family. It’s been 5 years since I lost my Papa, and as I recalled this story I wondered “will I get to experience another Christmas miracle this year?” Of course this year I know one thing for sure Grandpa will be there laughing and joking along with us just like he has been since he left us. He will share in the good times and the bad. The truth is that he may have physically left us, but his spirit will never abandon his family, especially at Christmas.

So to all of you who have lost someone dear to your hearts whether it be a close friend or family member, just remember, they may not still be here physically but their spirits will always be close in your hearts. And as the saying goes “with love and joy in your hearts Christmas will always be here to share with those you love, no matter how near or far.”

This is dedicated to Warren E. Moore and the rest of the Moore Family and relations.

“Shattered”

Lost and confused
I’m in a daze.
This is making my mind rage.

You say you want me to stay.
You say you want me to go.
How am I suppose to know?

I want to spend time with you,
I’m sorry for the way I feel.
But I still want you to be happy,
For real.

I’m not trying to hold you back.
I’m not trying to make you drown.
Can’t we just find our way back to common ground?

My heart is breaking.
I feel numb.
I hope we find our way back to,

Our happy laughter,
Our random chatter,
Gosh, what is the matter?!

At least if you get lonely,
You know where to find me,
My voice is written among the pages
Of my blog and poetry for you.

But one thing I’d like to ask,
What am I suppose to do,
Since I am lonely for you?

I can’t stand this feeling
I miss you more than words can say
Imagine my life without you…
Horrible! That’s all I can say.

I’ve tried to let go,
I’ve tried to forget,
Because you seem to want it like that.

Trying to numb the senses,
Trying to dull the pain,
I never thought my heart
Could break like this,

And then,
The thought of you not wanting me,
Shattered it.
Trying…. Crying…. I feel like dying.

I will send a message to anybody who reblogs this, I don’t care how many notes there are. 

(Source: beautiifullyiimperfect)